What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
