if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
