even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Randomize
