Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
