I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
