Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
