i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
