I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
