You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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