as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
