I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
pray to the hookup gods
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize