yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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