dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
