She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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