I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
