Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
