He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize