At least make sure they are 18
Why
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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