There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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