No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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