Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
