PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
