By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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