My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
