Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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