I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
