I bet he comes in French.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
