So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
