just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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