I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
