Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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