who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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