They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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