the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
