mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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