me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
