Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
