Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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