I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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