Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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