Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
