You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
