ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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