Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
