I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
