8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
