Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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