I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
