you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
