so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
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I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
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We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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