Midget sex pt 2 tonight
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
