So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
