omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
