I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
only you would photoshop your dick
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
