I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
