You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
