Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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