he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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