Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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