Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i've created a new STD.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
