A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
