Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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