Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
