I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
