I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
